The Incredible Hulk

Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Eli Roth, William Hurt
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Written by: Zak Penn, Edward Norton
Studio: Marvel Studios

I love Eddie Norton. Always have, always will. The stuff he brings to the table, both as an actor and as a creative contributor, never diminishes a film's quality and often elevates it to the level of thoroughly thoughtful cinema.

Often. But not always. The Incredible Hulk being a prime example.

I firmly believe that Batman Begins (although not my favorite superhero flick) and Iron Man have spoiled us now, we can't ever appreciate a generic superhero film again like the ones sprinkled throughout the nineties and early 2000's. The Incredible Hulk treads on familiar ground, features eh-caliber performances and relies on mediocre CGI to get the job (mostly) done. Which is all a goddamn shame given the level of talent involved.

To be fair, I can't comment on the amount of Edward's input made it into the theatrical cut - I know made heavy rewrites early in the game and had "issues" with the final cut that appeared in theaters. But I can knock on his performance, a tad c(l)ueless and stilted. I know Bruce Banner's a scientist and all, but shit, I didn't know he was also so terribly awkward.

The endothermic chemistry between Norton and Liv Tyler especially irritated me - all the possible heat of a scene between lovers separated by five years and a huge green mafucker was somehow zapped into outer space. I guess Norton is gay - j/k, Liv Tyler's nothing to write home about these days.

Even Eli Roth's performance evoked some disappoint: for once we actually get a comic villain with palatable character arc (from over-the-hill soldier still looking for action, to a juiced up guinea pig with a score to settle, to a power-crazed stalker, and finally to A HUGE BONEY UGLY FUCK) and yet we as the audience lose out despite the use of high caliber actor. Resounding blah.

But it was still ten-times better than Ang Lee's horseshit.

Writing: The plot definitely leaves something to be desired. Half the time the story's moved along by instant message conversations between Banner and the MYSTERIOUS Mr. Blue. The dialog is straight-up cheesy at points, e.g. something like, "it will produce...AN ABOMINATION!". The ending (proper) is kind of puzzling and the last scene really doesn't serve any purpose but to pimp out the inevitable Avengers movie. Which, granted, I'm excited about.

Direction: Eh. Action generic. The one brawl between Blonsky and the Hulk on the campus lawn was pretty well sculpted though.

Acting: Norton never gave the role enough life, Liv Tyler was just plain bad. William Hurt was the only one who balled as General Ross.

Editing: The scenes in Brazil were nice and crisp, but once Banner goes to America and starts hanging with his ex, we get a lot of fluffy bad romance. Also, why did the final battle clock under 10 minutes?

Sound: Unremarkable.

Soundtrack/Score: Sounded just like Iron Man's frankly.

Self-Awareness: There are quite a few nods to the TV show from the 70's and to some of the lesser known elements of the comic which are admittedly amusing if not fleeting.

Overall rating: ** 1/2

~Ian

Judge Dredd

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Rob Schneider, and Diane Lane
Director: Danny Cannon
Writer: William Wisher and Steven E. De Souza
Studio: Hollywood Pictures

Judge Dredd is a British comic that I have enjoyed quite a bit, but it's sad to see such a middling movie produced from what I consider strong source material. I don't want to turn this into a comic book blog (I swear I will review a non-comic movie one day), but I do feel that one thing about this film as a comic adaptation needs to be addressed. The plot of the film is pretty much cherry picked from some of Judge Dredd's best comics, and these different characters, plots, and tones are all held together by the mold of a generic action film. Once Judge Dredd takes off his costume, he's indistinguishable from any number of characters Stallone plays in a shoot em up. It's all so by the numbers that it gets a little boring.

The film also thinks that one opening wall of text is enough to explain everything to the viewer. Ideas like a, "Block War", how this crazy future government works, why the hell they retire via, "Long Walk," or why they let the evil German into their American dystopia are only half explained, and on the flip side of the coin, how Judge Dredd's gun works is hammered at the viewer repeatedly. They demonstrate it in the opening of the film with an action scene, then Dredd explains it in a school setting to some rookies, and finally it's detailed further in a painfully slow, expository dialog ridden trial scene with a 3 D model. It's essential to the film's final battle to understand how it works, but it's sad to see so much screen time lost to a fucking prop.The gun is more important than most of the film's supporting cast, but I still wish it had more screen time than Rob Schneider.

Speaking of Mr. Schneider, he has too much screen time; he is the funny sidekick that is just fucking annoying. I am sure somebody thought the two of them could recapture their chemistry from Demolition Man, but they must have forgotten that Schneider only had about six lines in that movie. If only he had as little to say in Judge Dredd, we could be spared the scene where he humorously asks Dredd to not rape an unconscious male guard (rape double standard = comedy gold).

Direction: Despite the cookie cutter storyline, I love the look of the film. The outfits for the Judges are actually designed by Versace which gives them this great runway fascism look, and they create interesting new outfits as you strip away the body armor. Mega City One is very much crafted in the image of a less Japan-centric version of Bladerunner's LA; it's crowded, dirty, full of garish ads, butler robots, and flying cars. The other excellent work is to make the Judge's headquarters as clean and polished as possible which gives them the overtones of being a ruling class looking down on an impoverished citizenship. Also, the cyborg Mean Machine and ABC warrior robot look really fucking cool.

There are some scenes that really work. The flying bike chase looks good, and the effects hold up after all this time. There is also a great scene transition from the villain killing a guard to Dredd shooting a training target. Otherwise, there's what I would call "attempted directing" such as the lighting and music used as Dredd gazes at a statue of Lady Justice and recommits himself to the law. It almost works, unlike the writing.

Writing: This is the tragedy of the film; it's a series of great special effects and design work ruined by weak dialog connected by cliche after cliche after cliche. I'll just do a quick cliche rundown: wall of text to explain scifi premise; bible thumping hillbillies; comedy sidekick; emotionless loner cop; council of elders fighting over how to lead; snotty yuppie with a sports car; and the wrongfully accused officer of the law.

On top of that, the film tries way to hard to spoon feed the audience catchphrases and puns. Dredd's catchphrase of, "I knew you'd say that," is uttered six times in 96 minutes, and it's said 3 times in the first 15. I was sick of it before the first act finished. The comedy also hurts; with lines like "court's adjourned," burning their way into my ears.
The best line belongs to the villain, and it goes like this, "Guilt and innocence is a matter of timing." I will give them credit for that little bit.

Acting: Stallone tries here, but he's never that good. He also has a good couple scenes where he has to act through a helmet, and this involves him putting all of his emotions into the only visible part of his face, his chin. When he is accused of murder, he literally chins the hell out of that scene with all the protruding, clenched glory that entails.

Armand Assanted does the best acting in the film by playing Dredd's evil twin as a twisted impersonation of Stallone. It's pretty funny here and there, and it's clear that he's enjoying himself.

Everybody else is forgettable (I am not thinking about Schneider more than I have to), but Jürgen Prochnow is hilariously awful as the traitorous Judge Griffen. I could barely contain my laughter at how hammy he was; he just shouts the hell out of his evil little German plans when he explains them. It's funny, but I don't think that he intended that.

Editing: Effects are integrated well, and the scenes transition very well. I just wish the cut Rob out completetly.

Soundtrack/Score: Generic

Self-Awareness: It's about as aware as most one-liner action movies, but not up to the lofty heights of it's spiritual predecessor Demolition Man.

Overall Rating: 2 stars, and I would call that charitable. Unless you are a huge Dredd fan, I would just rent the above mentioned Demolition Man. Seriously, rent it now; if you don't see it before we review it, that's minus 15 canary points.

-Pete

You, too, can be the Law BUY NOW BEFORE THE THIRD WORLD WAR

Batman Forever

Starring: Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Val Kilmer, Chris O'Donnell, Nicole Kidman
Director: Joel Schumacher
Writers: Lee Batchler, Janet Scott Batchler, Akiva Goldsman
Studio: Time Warner

This film supposedly saved the franchise after Batman Returns didn't sell enough Happy Meals to kiddies developing childhood diabetes due to Big Mac sauce and diet coke. Thank god this movie showed up to make the Batman franchise family friendly again because nothing says family fun like Jim Carrey's honking crotch, close ups of rubber clad man ass, and Nicole Kidman's desperate attempts to get Batman into her panties.
The franchise enters a pupa stage with this film. The Burton films are the caterpillar, and this movie is the between point between them and the magnificent shit moth that is Batman and Robin. Their are elements of the Burton films that remain. The original costume, big old time radio microphones, the flashback to the Wayne double murder, and even some of the architecture of Gotham are little details that linger like vestigial organs. The film changes as we watch it, and these elements are lost in favor of brighter colors, Vegas-like sets, and outlandish kid's movie hijinks. There is also a street gang covered in glow in the dark body paint. I have seen them in my nightmares since I was a lad.

There is one moment that sums up the film for me. Batman bursts through a skylight to stop Two-Face from robbing a gala. As he descends through broken glass, the film cuts to a man in glasses that Batman saved earlier in the film. He points at Batman and shouts in the voice of a man suffering from brain damage, "It's Batman! EEEHHH!" This film is that man, using what limited brain power it has to point us to the caped crusader.

Writing: The visual transformation is a accompanied by a script that rarely succeeds. It's never as funny as it thinks it is, and it jumps wildly in quality from scene to scene. The last scene with the Riddler in Arkham is actually quite good; it's got tension, tight dialog, and it builds well on expectations. The opening is painful; I had to take a break after the first three minutes. The first lines of the film are Alfred saying, "Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir? " It's accompanied with Kilmer's zombie like reply of, "I'll get drive-thru." The depths of unfunny are mined quite thoroughly almost immediately, and much of the dialog is just as bad. This opening is followed by Tommy Lee Jones yammering about," Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!" I am no fan of that doo-dah, but it's just one of many verbal fumbles we get berated with.

Directing: I am not a fan of Mr. Schumacher's style. Joel (I use his first name out of a lack of respect, not familiarity) does some of the most amateurish lighting in film. If he wants a mood, he just drowns the scene in one color from a spot light. He's been doing it that way since The Lost Boys, and it always kills a scene for me. It pulls me right out of the film, and I just see Joel holding a big red (sometimes he switches it up with blue) spotlight in his hands with an idiot grin on his face. Adding to the rookie feel are incredibly unconvincing matte paintings used to create establishing shots of the city.

The action scenes also suffer under Schumacher's direction (I almost put that in quotes, but I remembered that I'm not a complete asshole). The film uses close ups during the fight scenes that break up the visual flow of the battle and disorient the viewer. It makes them feel choppy and awkward which is par for the course for most of the film.
Also, some of the visual effects work looks terrible. Any time Batman leaps from one of these mattes to the foreground, it looks painfully phony. It might just be age showing, but the effects for Batman Returns hold up much better.

Acting: Val Kilmer decided that he needed to out-wooden Michael Keaton's Batman, so he plays Batman and Bruce Wayne as a robot that wears the flesh of a man. He doesn't have much to work with, and I guess that probably inspired the sleep walk performance.

Tommy Lee Jones plays Two-Face way over the top, and it doesn't work. It feels like a bad imitation of Nicholson's Joker; he's impulsive, vulgar, but awkward. It's like Jones can't quite grasp how to do the character, so he just throws more volume and over acting to get it right. I was discussing this with a friend, and we both agreed that he should have done it like the best Batman actors and played the character as an exaggeration of himself. I might have enjoyed an authoritative southern Two-Face more.

Nicole Kidman vamps it up pretty hard here in a role created solely for sexual innuendo and some fairly bullshit romance. I honestly miss Vicki Vale compared to Dr. Meridian Chase; at least Vicki felt like a significant part of the story. It also doesn't help that Ms. Kidman overplays the sexual tension between her and Batman to the point that I half expected her to just jump him and start humping furiously like a cat in heat. The uber-vamp and the robot in the latex gimp suit are a fun mismatch, but it's more like an SNL bit than material strong to enough last for a good portion of the film.

Chris O'Donnell plays the angry young man well enough, but he's forgettable.

Jim Carrey on the other hand is guilty of grand theft movie. The Riddler is definitely an exaggeration of himself, and it's just the right amount of excess in an already excessive movie. He would have a ruined a Burton Batman movie, but he's a perfect fit for the insane glow in the dark romp that is Batman Forever. His Riddler starts as a sympathetic cartoon looser and then builds into a full blown Saturday morning villain. It's like watching Droopy Dog turn into Cobra Commander with the aid of mad science. He's bounding around the sets with a mad energy that overcomes some questionable costuming and terrible dialog. He actually has to shout, "Joygasm!" and sticking his spandex clad crouch out after blowing something up; he's working his ass off to make this shit watchable. He brings enough quality that he bumps this film up from disappointing to uneven; good for him.

Editing: There a two scenes worth of fat that desperately needed trimming. The first is a rather unremarkable car chase between Two-Face and Batman that lasts about three minutes and barely stands out amidst all the huge set pieces and Jim Carrey. It's pointless action excess that provides no plot advancement or strong images. The second necessary cut is when Dick Grayson dries his clothes using kung fu; it's like stomp except with wet rags and a butler. It feels so forced and out of place, and it fails completely to make Robin cool and competent. It's also completely unnecessary since the circus fight actually introduces Robin in a way that makes him heroic. He saves lives and beats up bad guys with little regard for his own safety; I want to meet the person who thinks that is of equal intrigue to doing laundry.

Sound: When Jim does his victory hump, there is a honking noise. This is not what God intended sound in movies for. Other ridiculous noises also abound whether they kill the mood or not.

Soundtrack/score: The Danny Elfman music from the previous two films is combined with elements from the 60s Batman music. Big horn blasts pepper the score along with cartoony sound effects and other such noise. It's an interesting evolution for the film's music that signals the franchises oncoming dive into total self-indulgent rehashed camp.

Self-awareness: The film knows that it's ridiculous, but it's never aware when it's being ridiculously awful.

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5. One for Carrey, and one for the Arkham scene.

-Pete

Own your piece of Val FOREVER

Batman

Starring: Michael Keaton; Jack Nicholson; Kim Basinger

Director: Tim Burton

Writers: Sam Hamm; Warren Skaaren

Studio: Warner Bros.

This is one of those film's that gets copied often by people who forget what made the original work. Too many superhero movies that have followed Batman have just copied the dark atmosphere punctuated by black leather outfits and the opening. The extreme closeup of the Bat-symbol that results in the camera traveling around the corners of the logo like it was a maze has been rehashed endlessly. I can barely sit through the openings of most superhero films because they often begin with the extreme CGI closeup of Wolverine's nose hair or Blade's DNA. Anyway, there a number of great ideas in this film that the imitators just forget about while they copy/paste.

My personal favorite is how Batman is a mystery in this film; a central part of the film is the questions; "Who the fuck is this Batman, and why the fuck is he a Batman, anyway?" (Saying it like Jack Nicholson warms the heart.) It's not an origin film for Batman; it's about answering these two questions while Batman wars with the Joker. The film slowly let's the audience learn about the protagonist as we watch the rise and fall of the antagonist. It's about how they relate to each other, and how they might enjoy a parade together. Basinger's Vicki Vale doesn't work very well as the romantic interest, but she does good work as the audience's way into the weird world of the film. Her attempts to understand Batman humanize him in a way that wouldn't be possible given how cold this version of the character is.

The suit used for Batman creates the perfect image of the character; it creates the classic silhouette and blends into the night. The only problem is that it constricts the actor's movements to an insane degree. Batman can't crouch, look to his extreme left or right, or touch his toes. It forces the film to constantly work around the character's immobility while a middle-aged clown dances around him with a paunchy liveliness that molded black rubber doesn't allow. They work around quite well, but it leaves the film with a stiff, sterile Batman that's very difficult to engage on a personal level. It makes him quite spooky towards other character's, but he's very difficult to get into as an audience member. It's much easier to get lost in the Joker as he steals the whole show.

Writing: The dialog is often excellent. The Joker's lines are often quite funny, and almost every character gets something good to say. There is some great banter between the reporters, and Bruce Wayne gets some great weird dialog. The romantic dialog was not as good. Kim Basinger's got some terrible lines to make work, and she doesn't win that up hill battle. Otherwise, the plot is strong, focused, and full of great little ideas.

Direction: It's a mostly great looking film; some of the special effects integrate poorly though. The look of the film still holds up wonderfully; the massive dark monuments, retro fashions, and bizarre Joker fashion running madcap over the whole thing.

Acting: Jack Nicholson is out of control in this movie, and it's wonderful. He just takes the whole movie and puts it in his back pocket. He's doing impersonations of other cast members, re-enacting bits from the Wizard of Oz, dancing to Prince, playing with magazine cutouts, and going "boop boop" after killing other characters, but it works. His twisted glee is perfect for the character, and it keeps the movie light despite all that murder and mayhem. He received a cut of the gross for playing the Joker, which means Jack has gotten upwards of 50 million dollars from this one film. One scene of The Joker running away like a child imitating an airplane while making a farting noise earned him more money then I will ever have, and that fills me with a joy and jealousy that I may never actually deal with.

Michael Keaton does his best work out of that stifling rubber gimp suit and gives Bruce Wayne a quirky charm that makes his double life a kooky secret rather than the dark booming quest of the Nolan Batman films. His Batman is too damn stiff because he took Jack's advice and, "let the suit do the acting."

I would discuss the supporting actors, but it's really the leads' movie. The supporting actors do their best when they play off the leads or just get the fuck out of their way.

Editing: The editing is pretty damn good; that opening sequence actually gives the illusion of movement with the camera work and editing coming together perfectly timed to the music. Some of the effects do not integrate very well in certain scenes, and they have aged poorly as a result. Cutting back on some of the Batmobile, Batplane, and Joker balloons would have helped the film look much better, but that's probably just hindsight.

Sound: There are some very loud and slightly odd sound effects for things like bat-rope, Joker weapons, and batarangs, but it's all good.

Soundtrack/Score: I love the instrumental stuff, but the Prince music doesn't quite cut it. It's not bad, but it feels just a little forced. It's as if the Joker is throwing it in there just to really piss Batman off; it's also very obviously there just to sell the soundtrack. Also, the song that plays over the credits is fucking hilarious; Prince just goes nuts on this ballad about touching something that may or may not be his penis. That deserves a listen.

Self-awareness: This film is aware of what it can't be; it can't be Adam West and Burt Ward. It also is completely aware that being different from the sixties Batman does not require a humorless exercise in bleak darkness; when the film makes joke, it's funny in a dark and hip way. It also knows just how far to push the Joker and Batman's respective shticks so that they are larger than life rather than completely ridiculous on the screen.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 lines of coke for Jack

- Pete

Iron Man

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Terrence Howard

Director: John Favreau

Writers: Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Art Marcum, and Matt Holloway

Studio: Marvel Studios

A good summer blockbuster is incredibly hard to find; many of them are incoherent two hour commercials (I will save the rest of my venom there for a Transformer's review). These films are created by executives, directors, writers, and producers in committee, and Iron Man was created by just such a team of people from Hollywood and Marvel Enterprises. Marvel Studios does have a crazy idea about blockbusters though; they actually went out of their way to create a film that was a solid story in its own right but full of possibilities for further commercial exploitation.

It's an unusual sight to my eyes, but Iron Man is a summer blockbuster with a strong character arc and a clear well paced plot. The film is about Tony Stark growing and changing into a better person but still retaining his faults. He doesn't put on the armor and become a saint; he just tries to fix his own mess as best he can which isn't even that good. It's a film about trying to build something better out of one's self, surroundings, and relationships in spite of human failings. This strong central struggle for Tony Stark creates an emotional core to the film that leads the viewer in; it also gives meaning to the explosions, fist fights, car chases, women, talking houses, and press conferences.

Unlike recent bloated action films, Iron Man doesn't waste time. Everything in this film has a purpose whether it's related to Stark's personal journey, setting up spin off movies, creating strong inter-character relationships, or establishing villains. It's also fun; it's doesn't equate darkness or boredom with quality. The creators remembered that people enjoy superhero stories for their million dollar mayhem, and the film creates sufficient mayhem of varying styles. Things explode, and the protagonist brings a lovely idiosyncratic chaos with him in the first act. Speaking of the star, Downey is having so much fucking fun playing Tony Stark that it's infectious, and the film never loses sight of him for five minutes because he's that instrumental to the enjoyment of the film.

The downside is that the other characters suffer as Downey devours the screen time. Paltrow's Pepper Potts (say it fifteen times fast and that's twenty-five Canary points) gets developed nicely as Tony's girl Friday, but it's a fairly standard boss/assistant quasi-romantic relationship. Howard's James Rhodes character shrinks to a plot device by the end of the film, and Jeff Bridges' villain needed a little more character development and motivation for the third act. He jumps from manipulator to combatant so quickly that it just begs for an extra scene to give this change a little more weight. Instead, the audience is treated to a standard speech about how much his newfound power thrills him. It's a shame because Jeff really makes Stane feel like a guy with a genuine connection and past with Stark, but we don't get it developed fully. However, this is a franchise starter, and we're supposed to be left wanting more in the form of toys, video games, and sequels.

Writing: We have four screen writers for this picture, and they apparently worked separately on different scenes. Complicating this further, the director and actors apparently reworked the shooting script, and Marvel brought in some of their comic writers to do one scene at the very, very end. We are in the very deepest, darkest territories of summer block buster writing here, where there is no clear line delineating who wrote what, when, and how much it changed from pen to screen. All the above makes it sound like this should be a patchwork abomination, but the Frankenstein script mostly works. I can't tell you if it's luck or design, but even Orson Welles said that great film making was an accident.

Direction: Fairly solid film making. The first act has some of the best work for me; the entire sequence at the beginning with Tony's video taped capture was possibly my favorite sequence. Watching Stark fall out his playboy comfort zone and straight into hell was beautiful. I was relieved that the use of the worst we can find in today's headlines felt much more effective than exploitative. It's a shame the rest of the film is a little weaker compared to that, but it's still good.

Acting: This film lives and dies on Robert Downey Jr.'s shoulder's. If an actor wasn't careful, Stark would be too much of an unlikable self-absorbed ass, but Downey makes him
charming at his worst and admirable at his best. He makes the selfish Tony of the first act that asshole you love to party with, and then makes you appreciate his attempts to grow up as the film continues. I would say the man oozes charisma, but that sounds too icky. Let's say he just radiates it like a distant star that uses cool as a fuel instead of hydrogen.
Jeff Bridges makes a strong villain, and does an excellent job creating a convincing two-faced douche bag. It's a shame that the final act leaves him with some ropey material to work with, but he still puts forth enough menace that I can't fault him for it.
Howard and Paltrow have pretty small supporting roles, but they make roles you might call thankless into something that's at worst serviceable.

Editing: Good editing through out; there are some nice jump cuts to give Stark's playboy life style that MTV Crib's feel. All the action scenes are clear and understandable, and of course, I really dug the editing on the capture scene.

Sound: All the little noises that the Iron Man and Iron Monger suits make help ground the sci-fi just enough for some suspension of disbelief; I can pretend those sounds mean a machine is actually working. I also loved the sounds of battle as Stark panicked in his hummer.

Soundtrack/music: I didn't like it very much; it was pretty generic superhero music with some generic metal.

Self-awareness: This movie knows what the genre tropes are and tries to avoid retreading them without at least cracking joke at their expense, and then sometimes they just blow right over them laughing all the way.

Overall Rating: 4 bottles of scotch out of five for Tony Stark; he pours at least one all over a lady.

Yay or Nay!?: Yay. You probably already saw it anyway; it's not like it's a Speed Racer or some shit.
-Pete

Batman Returns

Starring: Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer

Director: Tim Burton

Writer: Sam Hamm, Daniel Waters

Studio: Warner Bros.

In case you were in some kind of isolation experiment, I would like to inform you that there is a new Batman movie headed our way. In honor of that, I will be reviewing all of the Batman films, and I might even be done before The Dark Knight leaves theaters.

I decided to begin with the red headed step-child of Batman films; Batman Returns was the film that executives feared had killed the franchise by being too weird and dark. Making this sequel gave Tim Burton a nervous breakdown, and it lost money on the most important aspect of a blockbuster: toys. Apparently, little tykes that weren't myself didn't want toys of a child-murdering, foul-mouthed, man-monster played byDanny DeVito, but that's their loss and my gain.

The main problem with the film is also it's greatest strength. Burton and company aren't interested in making a superhero film; Batman Returns is a gothic monster movie
full of Byronic protagonists and dark humor. The four leads are all monsters of different types. Batman is a functional but lonely one; in this film, Batman has become a completely natural but isolating role for Bruce Wayne. He wants Catwoman to be his kindred spirit, but she can't help but be devoured by the demons that made her into a leather clad somersaulting sex kitten. The Penguin is on a similar arc to Catwoman, but he's not a person with a destroyed humanity. He's sewer dwelling monstrosity who flirts with being human for all the wrong reasons like power, sex, and politics. The only character that is a complete monster is Walken's character of Max Schreck, and of course, he's the most celebrated person in the view of Gotham City. Max wants to build an empire to leave to his son Chip, who bears a creepy likeness to his dad, and he doesn't care who he hurts along the way.

This film was created as the improvement of Batman, Burton and company saw the flaws and decided to build a completely new creature instead of a cookie cutter sequel. The most striking choice is making this an ensemble film rather than making it all about Batman; he's definitely a smaller part of this film. He doesn't even show up until about fifteen minutes into the film. He's treated as a reliable known quantity, and the new characters and scenarios for this film are given the most attention. I don't mind the reduced Batman because he was always pretty stiff in the nineties movies; that damn stifling suit makes it impossible to bend, stretch, or emote. Luckily, the rest of the film is a twisted fun house of activity.

Writing: There are a few bad action movie exchanges here and there, but for the most part, the writing works perfectly. The dialog between characters really shines, and the plot is remarkably tight for a film that has three villains. Everything ties together closely, and no scenes are wasted.

Direction: It's a gorgeous film; the look of the first film is perfected by Burton and company's additions to the city. The sewers, frozen zoos, evil carnivals, and subterranean layers are all fantastic locals, but this isn't a mindless jump from set piece to set piece. Burton creates excellent mood, builds themes and character dynamics that all move towards a climatic subterranean showdown.

Acting: Keaton doesn't have as much to do as the first Batman, but he still pulls his weight. Pfeiffer pulls off a very complicated Catwoman; she's damaged, sexy, psychotic, and tragic which is so much more than many actresses could handle. Danny DeVito plays the Penguin as Nicholson played the Joker; it's a caricature of himself. Just like Jack's take; it works. His dirty fowl is a great foil to the other characters, and he manages to hit some strong pathos and fucking hilarious comic relief. It's pretty impressive considering all the goddamn make up he's in. Walken is solid gold, and some of his lines in this film are the best sentences he has ever uttered. Walken also looks amazing in this film; I dare you to just dig that hair for just a few minutes. If you go see shitty movies just for a taste of Walken's manic magic, try this one; for once, the film is as good as Walken.

Editing: Nice clean cuts throughout, and some of the best sequences are dependent on excellent editing. A personal favorite is the remote control bat-mobile scene. It cuts back and forth between Batman and the Penguin, but it's tense rather than disorienting.

Sound: Great sound all around, and nice little sound effects are added here and there to accentuate some of the weirder props like trick umbrellas, rubber ducks, penguin soldiers, and severed hands.

Soundtrack/Score: Danny Elfman's Batman and Batman Returns soundtrack work is so good that he's copied it for several other movies. Despite the retreads, I still love the original. Also, this movie has no commercial soundtrack inserts awkwardly cluttering up scenes.

Self-awareness: The film knows the bizarre world that Batman stories occur in, and it also knows when that world becomes too bizarre to be played straight. Certain scenes revel in their dark absurdity because Danny Devitto riding in a giant yellow duck is comedy gold, even if he's kidnapping children while he does it.

Overall Rating: In the small, inbred sub-genre of super-hero movies; this film is fucking perfection. I give it five fucking stars. Deal with it. (Now say it like Walken.)

Yay or Nay!: I give this a screaming porn star g-spot orgasm of a yay.

-Pete