Zardoz

Starring: Sean Connery; Charlotte Rampling

Writer; Director; Producer: John Boorman

Studio: John Boorman Productions

The UK's Channel 4 recently described Zardoz as John Boorman's, "finest film," and a, "wonderfully eccentric and visually exciting sci-fi quest," that, "deserves reappraizal." This might generate enough curiosity in this obscurity to actually generate a viewing. The curious amateur film buff might think that the director of Deliverance and Point Blank coupled with the star power of Connery must be able to pull something at least interesting together.

This hypothetical viewer would be correct, but let's be more specific than just interesting. There is one word that describes Zardoz: phallocentric, and it is a word that I rarely even utter for fear of seeming the overbearing feminist intellectual. Zardoz is a film that doesn't just have macho men with guns, subordinate women, and violent solutions; calling a film with only those qualifications phallocentric is the kind of overreaction on par with calling a single murder a genocide or two martinis a bender. Zardoz is a phallocentric film because it literally worships cock. Sean Connery is the messiah of the dong, and he enlightens everyone as only a huge prick can.

If you think I am taking this metaphor too far, you will hate this film. Once you get the past the prologue delivered by a floating head with a goatee draw on his chin in pen; it's a nonstop sausage fest. The first line of dialog is Zardoz declaring to his followers that, "The gun is good. The penis is evil," and Sean Connery's character Zed spends the rest of the film crusading against this. He sneaks into a sexless society run by an oppressive female intellectual named Consuela, and he immediately begins tearing the place and the people apart.

He is a sexual Prometheus that brings the fire of misogyny to a sterile and emotionless society; he actually awakens catatonics by fondling, kissing, and throwing them around (without consent of course). He struggles to show that erections, fondling, fucking, and good old man seed are instrumental to keeping the human condition vital and genuine; all of these things are not exaggerations. They are direct examples from the film; there is even a lecture about erections with Sean Connery as the subject. His character starts as a savage and ends as the sum total of human knowledge; this is his reward for murder, rape, a Burt Reynolds mustache, and too little shirt. It's almost a pulp sci-fi version of the Wife of Bath's Tale (30 Canary points if you got the reference without google).

Writing: It's fairly dated sci-fi writing throughout. Character constantly exchange dialogue that explains who, where, and why with little subtlety or panache; the sheer absurdity and spectacle of the film carry more weight than the verbal attempts to be deep.

Direction: The direction succeed in several very memorable scenes such as the introduction of Zed (that would be the whole, "The gun is good," scene), and when the film fails visually, it's never for a lack of trying. It sometimes just looks so damn outlandish when it's trying to be provocative.

Acting: Connery is sheer gold in this; he plays the most bizarre material of his career without a hint of irony. Some of the cast are definitely having fun with the material which makes Sir Sean the best straight man in the whole damn film. Some of the cast also seems to have been selected more for their willingness to undress on film rather than their acting ability, but Connery handily carries every scene he's in. He even carries the scenes he plays opposite a giant talking stone head. That is what I would call presence.

Sound: Good old fashioned, high quality big budget sound. Don't forget; this was a major financial undertaking. Good money was spent on Sean Connery running around in a red plastic diaper and pony tail.

Soundtrack/Score: It's fairly standard artsy sci-fi music and sound. They took some classical, orchestral, and the occasional buzzing future science sound in a failed attempt to be artsy rather than trashy sci-fi. Some of these sounds honestly seemed like direct samples form 2001: A Space Odyssesy.

Self-Awareness: Zardoz is genuine camp; it has no idea how ridiculous it is. John Boorman has gone on record saying that people who mock the film simply do not get it. There is an honest belief behind this work that it is an artistic undertaking exploring adult themes. The creators are completely unaware that they have made Burt Reynold's version of 2001. It wants to be thought provoking, but it keeps making its points with a swaggering machismo that makes all its rebuttals via the revolver, the sword, and the fist.

Rating: This film is a disaster; so I rate it a Class 4 Hurricane.

Yay or Nay?: Zardoz is a fascinating but hideous train wreck; it gets a very strong nay for the faint of heart. Only the most dedicated of rubber-neckers can gaze upon it without at least one stiff drink in their hand. This is your last warning.

-Pete